Seven Times Seventy-seven
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked:" Lord, how many times shall i forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered:" I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:21-22)
I tried. I tried very hard and i truly thought i have forgiven the person who had hurt me deeply (beyond i could bare sometimes)....until 2 weeks ago when i heard the person shared some insensitive remarks during one of our group discussion that got me all fired up again. Worse, one by one i begin to hear negative reports from different sources on the character and integrity of this person. These negative reports and thoughts remained in me, until it grow its roots and poisoned its way to my mind to sprout negative feelings towards this person. Because i allowed my enemy, the evil one a chance to gain a foothold in my growing resentment towards this person, i find there's no room in my heart to love and forgive this person anymore.
Perhaps it would have been easier for me if i don't ever see this person again. He could have been erased from my memory forever...and perhaps i would learn to forgive and forget him in times to come. BUT, of course that is not what God had in mind whenever He wants to teach us a lesson in life.
As christians, we are called to forgive a person seven times if they sin against us seven times a day. Such is a comandment from our God. (Luke 17:4)
There has been so many scriptural references in our bible that stresses the importance of forgiving and show love even to the extent to our enemies. Whole bible is summed up to two greatest commandments:"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37)"And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:39-40) As though there are not enough examples in our bible, our Lord even teaches us to pray in this way: "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors."
I had a "fitful" sleep again last night. My spirit would not allow me to have rest. Through a last minute invite, i attended a friend's wedding last night. By a twist of "fate" or "chance", i was seated next to my nemesis. We were polite to each other. Making small talks. He was trying to be nice and attentive...even gentlemanly. But as the minute ticked by, i felt that old familiar bitter resentment growing as he ask questions of my well being blah blah blah.... i can't help it. Something that's meant to be positive and peacemaking gesture became distorted in my mind to deem it as hypocrisy?! I don't know how on earth i can have that negative thoughts. I was still politely nodding my head and trying to smile.... but i don't know how to react to all this. I became very chatty to everyone in the table and almost try to remind myself he doesn't exist. At some point, it must have become so obvious that he left the table to go chat with his friends from another table.
This vicious cycle of being hurt and wanting to cause hurt to others has resulted in physical and mental torture for myself. It is time i put a STOP to this self abuse.
I know by myself i may not be able have that magnanimous heart to totally erase all this hurt that's been done to me. Therefore, i will seek God to give me the strength to take away my bitter cup. And perhaps like King Abimelech (in Genesis 20) seek his nemesis Abraham to pray for him even though he's the one who's been wronged by Abraham.
So God help me.
I tried. I tried very hard and i truly thought i have forgiven the person who had hurt me deeply (beyond i could bare sometimes)....until 2 weeks ago when i heard the person shared some insensitive remarks during one of our group discussion that got me all fired up again. Worse, one by one i begin to hear negative reports from different sources on the character and integrity of this person. These negative reports and thoughts remained in me, until it grow its roots and poisoned its way to my mind to sprout negative feelings towards this person. Because i allowed my enemy, the evil one a chance to gain a foothold in my growing resentment towards this person, i find there's no room in my heart to love and forgive this person anymore.
Perhaps it would have been easier for me if i don't ever see this person again. He could have been erased from my memory forever...and perhaps i would learn to forgive and forget him in times to come. BUT, of course that is not what God had in mind whenever He wants to teach us a lesson in life.
As christians, we are called to forgive a person seven times if they sin against us seven times a day. Such is a comandment from our God. (Luke 17:4)
There has been so many scriptural references in our bible that stresses the importance of forgiving and show love even to the extent to our enemies. Whole bible is summed up to two greatest commandments:"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." (Matthew 22:37)"And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:39-40) As though there are not enough examples in our bible, our Lord even teaches us to pray in this way: "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors."
I had a "fitful" sleep again last night. My spirit would not allow me to have rest. Through a last minute invite, i attended a friend's wedding last night. By a twist of "fate" or "chance", i was seated next to my nemesis. We were polite to each other. Making small talks. He was trying to be nice and attentive...even gentlemanly. But as the minute ticked by, i felt that old familiar bitter resentment growing as he ask questions of my well being blah blah blah.... i can't help it. Something that's meant to be positive and peacemaking gesture became distorted in my mind to deem it as hypocrisy?! I don't know how on earth i can have that negative thoughts. I was still politely nodding my head and trying to smile.... but i don't know how to react to all this. I became very chatty to everyone in the table and almost try to remind myself he doesn't exist. At some point, it must have become so obvious that he left the table to go chat with his friends from another table.
This vicious cycle of being hurt and wanting to cause hurt to others has resulted in physical and mental torture for myself. It is time i put a STOP to this self abuse.
I know by myself i may not be able have that magnanimous heart to totally erase all this hurt that's been done to me. Therefore, i will seek God to give me the strength to take away my bitter cup. And perhaps like King Abimelech (in Genesis 20) seek his nemesis Abraham to pray for him even though he's the one who's been wronged by Abraham.
So God help me.
posted by A Mere Christian at
3:51 PM
2 Comments
